The long “By the way”

For the avid readers of this blog (yes, all three of you), this will remain dead for the next six months. I have naughty explanations for the hiatus, but let me give the most banal one: my friend, a cryonics scientist, has offered to freeze me in suspended animation from six months to a year. I accepted the offer because of certain innovations she’s excited to test on me.

The said innovations are the following:

1. I can continue working on my novel (which also has a naughty title, by the way) through a clever way of interpreting my rapid eye movements (REM) as words, chapters, witty dialogues, and cheap twists on my always meandering story. This amazing contraption will then directly encode my REMs on Blu-ray discs. Hopefully, when she thaws me six months or a year from now, I’ll be able to find an open source software from www.opensource.org to retranslate said encodings into a Windows-compatible document.

2. She’s going to feed my sleeping brain simulated hallucinations of an unending tropical vacation, complete with Carol Cleveland, Diana Zubiri, Kara David, Lee Young Ae, Christine Reyes, Heart Evangelista, and a teenage Brooke Shields–all cavorting on the white sand and clad only with Bazooka Joe bubble gum wrapping paper. I don’t even have to do a thing; i’d just lie there and leave myself at their mercy.

3. I can watch in "Sleep Mode" Tom Hanks’ Da Vinci Code when it’s available by June or July 2006.

4. I can still play Call of Duty 2 and Age of Empires 3 using the same technology mentioned in (1).

5. I can directly wake myself up in case something horrible happens and Boy Abunda or Butch Francisco appear in my dream, using the same technology mentioned in (1).

6. I will be promptly informed, through the same technology mentioned in (1), if the prices of Victoria’s Secret lingeries and high-lift bras actually go down the level of So-En’s and BB’s (Baclaran’s Best), so that I can corner the entire Victoria’s Secret market, hoard all the stocks, and inflate the prices once again to early-1990s levels. Cool.

And of course, she also promised me that I won’t ever be placed next to Walt Disney’s or Ferdinand Marcos’s cryo-capsule.

I hope that my explanation is banal enough and is not hitting the naughty mark. Rest assured that after i get thawed, I’d come back with an evil website I’m paying a webmaster friend to design, have completed and shot and edited the trilogy of short films i’ve been drafting, and will upload a massively stupid, hopelessly jaded new Skirmish blog that will blast the beejesus out of unexciting people like Etta Rosales and the bitter girls at Gabriela.

So long, guys. It felt good while it lasted. i’m entering a long, very long tunnel, and this is gonna be a seasons-long intermission.

As Timothy Leary used to say, I’m turning on, tuning in, dropping out… so see you at the tunnel’s end.

Yours sincerely,

J

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