God-booger: the new planet

What exactly is a planet?

This may sound a ridiculous question, but I assure you it’s serious. So serious that hordes of astronomers are in Prague right at this very moment to debate on the subject of Pluto’s status as a planet.

The question, “What is a planet?” is currently right up there along with other recently fashionable questions like, “Is google a verb?“, “Oh my God, y’all, Bush reads?” and “Why did Sploid ‘xplode?”

The highly controversial new definition, proposed by the
International Astronomical Union, has simple terms: anything that is
round BUT small is a “dwarf planet”; anything that is the size of pluto
and even smaller is a planet, only it’s called “pluton”.

This is maybe some sort of compromise between those who don’t want
to “demote” Pluto into non-planet status, and those who take a look at
Pluto’s moon Charon and whimper, “Poor small, icy-cold heavenly object.
Isn’t she cute? Can’t we do something like make her a planet?”

The new definition also somehow puts in a questionable position
other round heavenly objects that are sufficiently big (like our very
own moon, which is bigger than Pluto), or those other huge moons
circling ’round the gas giants. If Charon is pluton, then our moon is
pluton. Who’s going to pay now for the reprinting of all those
textbooks?

If the smart guys would ask me, I’d say, ditch the whole planet
thing and use a shiny, brand new term. Instead of “planet”, why not
just use the word “God-booger” to refer to heavenly bodies of
questionable status?

It’s like the classic answer to classic questions such as, “Who
created the universe?” God. “Why do all those Sri Lankan kids have to
die?” It’s God’s will.

Now, “What is that, a planet or what?” It’s God-booger. “What are
those two topless astronauts doing there in the backseat of the pod?”
It’s a God-booger thing. No more questions.

So very clever.

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