Silly Conversation # 1

Nice Female Person [NFP]: So. JB. What keeps you busy these days?

Me: Uhh… I’m not sure… Nothing?

NFP: Nothing? You earn money? You pay bills?

Me: I’m cool. I can still pay bills.

NFP: So what do you do? Any job?

Me: I’ll tell you what I do. [long pause. scratches my ear. sighs like a girl]. Ayala and Buendia, I stand on a corner of it. Right beside a Meralco post. Can you picture it?

NFP: Yeah. Sure.

Me: Okay. I stand there, rush hour. People rush by. I place an empty tin can beside me. Can you picture it?

NFP: Uh-uh.

Me: Nobody pays attention. They’re all busy walking, going everywhere. I just stand there. I take out a small cassette player, push a button, then like a thin screech, Imelda Papin begins singing "Tukso." Then gently, I turn to the Meralco post just beside me. You know what I do?

NFP: What?

Me: I begin dry-humping it. Like a dog, only in slow-mo. Imelda Papin singing, me dry-humping the electric pole…

NFP: You’re crazy.

Me: People see me. They smile and feel good about themselves for being so lucky and sane. They shake their heads, open their purse, drop money into my tin can. The whole day, I do that.

NFP: You’re sick, you know.

Me: Okay. So. What’s up with you? You’re rich now?

NFP: Well.. My husband and me work at a bank. We’re bankers.

Me: Oh, banker? Like that asinine silhouette with the rankling God complex on Deal Or No Deal?

NFP: [says something really, really unfunny. it's so unfunny my keyboard does not have the right letters to print it].

[Caveat: Razor Ramon Hard Gay says never attempt doing this conversation at home.]

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