Spells That Should Have Been in Harry Potter
July 31st, 2007
Nut-tus Crackus - effective only against male Death Eaters.
Knickerus Disappearus - The spell everybody’s reserving for Hermione once she gets legal.
Homo Detectus — Harry’s version of the "gaydar."
Biggus Dickus — Dumbledore’s favorite spell. Works like Viagra.
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Meron pa!
Inspiritum En Tinolum Et Pritum!- spell para malaman kung ano ang magiging ulam na iseserve ng Hogwarts school cafeteria sa mga estudyante. Pwede rin siyang gamitin para di malaman na pacham lang ang luto ng chief kusinero.
Suckus Dikkus- favorite spell ng mga bading na estudyante ng Hogwarts. Pag ito ginamit na spell ni Hermione, malanding puta siya. Pag ito ginamit ni Harry or Ron, hmmm….
Gayagayagus Montynus Pythonus- spell sa mga plagiarists ng Monty Python ideas. Lumiliit ang reproductive organ ng mga lalaking tinatamaan nito! FYI: Biggus Dickus is a character in MP’s Life of Brian!
Marami pa akong ganitong spell, kung gusto mong malaman ang iba, I will sell it to you for ONE MILLION US CENTS! But wait! There’s more! If you order within five days, you get a free P 3,000 worth of gift certificate to the Wagwagan sa Baclaran on its gay festival!
Gayagayagus Montynus Pythonus- spell sa mga plagiarists ng Monty Python ideas.
mary josette, i’ve always assumed “everybody” knows Biggus Dickus is monty python, so i didn’t feel i have to point that out. it’s so famous i think, along with gems like “nobody expects the spanish inquisition” and “your mother is a hamster and your father smelt of ladderberries” and the “ministry of silly walks”, that i didn’t have to say the “spell” is a tongue-in-cheek nod to the monty boys. in fact, i LOVE using old monty jokes (like here: http://lightanddark.blogs.friendster.com/the_skirmish_of_light_and/2006/03/judas_the_armad.html) and i usually use catch phrases as headlines for skirmisher. but it’s good to know you also like monty python. it’s not really surprising.
as an aside, i actually own the complete four seasons of monty python on DVD (yes, all 44 or 45 episodes of the show, all their films (from life of brian to the almost unwatchable meaning of life), their performance at the hollywood bowl, some films by the individual post-monty pythons (a fish called wanda by john cleese, for instance and Brazil by terry gilliam), and other bits of performances by john cleese (who continues to perform as a comedian. the others have moved and are now doing serious stuff). so, well, im not sure, but does this make me a really, really huge monty python fan? you tell me.
You’re not a fan kuya, YOU’RE A SICK SICK SICK STALKER! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!By the way, my Kuya wants to borrow your Monty Python DVD collection. If it’s pirated, try to hide because he’ll turn you over to the OMB. Walang personalan, pera-pera lang!
surely. but in the spirit of “pera-pera lang,” your kuya has to pay for it. but of course, i didn’t have to tell you that! ha ha!… did i?
Hahahahah!! Now, cut the shit and hand over the DVD! (Evil smile)
okay, ill give you business. P500 per monty python season, four seasons would be P2000. that would be recorded on top-of-the-line DVD-9 blanks. very cheap, ain’t it? whoever said monty python fanhood would come free, eh?
*ka-ching!
and may i also interest you in john cleese’s hilarious performances in Montreal? another p500.
PWND!!!
Ok.