The real ‘Vagina Monologues’

I enter a hotel room. Somebody obscenely rich is having a cocktail party. Nobody’s there that I know. This bothers me for a few moments, until I realize why: everyone’s face is a huge, pink vagina.

I approach a gentleman in a suit, whose face is of course a huge vagina. I try to make conversation. But all that comes out of my mouth is the word “vagina.”

Me: Vagina vagina.

Gentleman in a suit: Vagina vagina vagina

Me: (very confused) Vagina! Vagina! Vagina!

Gentleman ina  suit: (becomes nervous, tries to calm me down) Vagiiiina… Vagiiiina…

Me: (I step back in horror. I look around me. All the vagina-faced people — guests of the party — are staring. I snap angrily at them) Vagina!!! Vagina vagina vagina vagina!!! Vagina!!!

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