“Eat Poop And Die”

I have recently moved to LA from providence RI, quite a lot to
adjust to. For one thing they have a whole other level of Christian
out here. I mean back home it’s just Catholics, who don’t want to
convert you. In fact, they won’t let you join them. If we want more
Catholics, we’ll make them.

And we had the Protestants, et al. They are too polite to force
their beliefs on you.

Out here you can’t go ten feet without some Born-Again Christian warning about the evil of your wicked ways. I can’t even afford to be wicked anymore. Hell, I’d settle for naughty.

The other day there was a Muslim trying to convert a Fundamentalist by buying him breakfast and discussing the nature of God. Okay, let’s face it, discussing the nature of God is as useful as discussing the Easter Bunny, and not the history of the Easter
Bunny, but the care and maintenance. What does the Easter Bunny like to eat, where does he like to sleep? Does he eat colored carrots?

Anyway, the Muslim balked because the Christian insisted on bacon with his breakfast. The Muslim quoted about how the pig is an animal only fit for the disposal of garbage and said he wouldn’t eat pig because pigs will eat their own shit. I almost jumped in. I had to hold myself back by my own collar.

Okay, what I was going to ask the Muslim, Do you eat chicken? I have seen chicken eat their own shit. How about rabbit? You know they are descended from predators and are so bad at digesting vegetable matter that they have to eat their own shit to get any nutrition. How about fish? They not only eat their own shit, they swim in it all day. I would say that in order to really eat kosher (or halal) you should be a vegan — but wait, guess what plants eat? That’s right! Shit! In fact, they thrive on it. Maybe Muslims should stop worrying about who eats shit, and worry about who talks shit.

But I just ordered breakfast instead. That was some good bacon.

(Words not mine (and I wish they were), but written and emailed to me by one awesome Canadian atheist.)

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